Opinion

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This page offers articles of a humorous nature, opinion pieces, social and political commentaries, and even rants. If you're down for a laugh or hear a side this is the page to go to.

Family of Mallards Awarded Tenure

Written by Elizabeth Janes SALEM – The family of mallards that has recently taken up residence in the stream cutting through the north side of...

Present-Day High Schoolers Actually Have Their Lives Together

Written by Joseph Krzyston As the country’s eyes turned to the high schoolers leading national protests this week, support has been widespread for the students...

Sigma Chi Brothers Face Hypothermia During Fundraising Attempts

Written by Joseph Krzyston In news that might not shock any consummate observers of the back quad, three cold, wet brothers of the Sigma Chi...

Trudo Vertical Forest Attempts to Combat Climate Change and Urban Housing Issues

Written by Isaac Davis Elon Musk’s sleek, electric Tesla Model 3 is a huge step toward a cleaner transport industry. However, priced at $35,000, is...

Commons in Crisis: Paper Plates Cause Mass Hysteria

Written by Shamira James Hello everyone, or those left. It’s Day Four of the post - apocalyptic world of the out-of-order Commons dishwasher. Students have...

‘Inept’ Humor Editor Labeled as a ‘Buffoon’ in Late of His Most Recent Hijinks

Written by Joseph Krzyston Thursday, Joe Krzyston, editor of the humor/opinion page, hopped on a plane to see his friend in Wisconsin: there was only...

Local Redheaded Photographer Trampled by Fame-Hungry Sorority Sisters

Written by Shamira James There’s nothing like the thrill of a snow day. Waking up to the campus-closed email, seeing how many people posted about...

California Reviews Southern Exposure

Written by Leilani Doneux I think it was the sideburns, or maybe an accented, homoerotic Sacha Baron Cohen telling Will Ferrell that he tasted of...

Easter Celebrations Vary Worldwide

Written by Isaac Davis Millions wait impatiently for the long Easter weekend and the beginning of April. Groups of various faiths, ethnicities and backgrounds gather...

Cheating Student Deterred by RC Wallpaper

Written by Joseph Krzyston A student determined to plagiarize a paper was deterred definitively through clever tactical deployment of a computer background. The potential offended,...

Humor Writer Getting Tired, Less Funny

By Joseph Krzyston Look, it’s been a long couple of weeks, ok?

Student Mistakes RC Light for Cheap Beer

Written by Joseph Krzyston This week, a Roanoke College senior was mildly flummoxed to find definitively that RC Light, the weekly college chapel service that...

I’m the Hottest In the Street, Know You Probably Heard of Me

Written by Shamira James RC is offering students a chance to write the influential and moving speeches that the freshmen hear during convocation. Yes, RC...

Salem to Reenact Witch Trial with RC Students

Written by Joe Krzyston In a move sure to invite the ire of college students and the amusement of residents, the City of Salem announced...

Students Shirk Duties Due to Sun

Written by Joseph Krzyston Across campus, students are starting to reconsider commitments of time and emotion that they made in the bleak midwinter. When life...

Students’ Spirits Soar in Warmth

Written by Joe Krzyston The situation was dire. Students and staff across campus were on the brink of losing it. Everybody knew this, but nobody...

Why is Spring Break So Wild?

Written by Isaac Davis As an international student I can attest to the world-wide fame and reputation of the American “Spring Break”. For years I...

A Fair Trade Of Furniture?

Written by Beth Janes The Economics Department is in an uproar following the development of a new barter and trade system for the chairs on...

Miller Hall Smokers Persevere Through Wind and Rain

Written by Joe Krzyston It’s been a rainy week here at Roanoke College, and many of us stuck closely to the shelter of buildings, venturing...

Students Fondly Remember Nudity in Commons

Written by Elizabeth Janes Jan. 31, 2018 is a day that will live on in Roanoke College History. On Wednesday night around 7:30 p.m., student...