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The Brackety-Yik Yak

by Kristi Rolf

Another issue of the Brackety-Ack, another roundup of the Brackety-Yik Yak! In the past two weeks, Roanoke students took to our favorite anonymous app to vent about Family Weekend, the changing seasons, a rainy weekend, and more. 

This is the first issue of the BA of the fall season, and Yik Yakers are talking about the weather. One user questioned the need for Counselling Services and instead offered this questionable advice “who needs therapy when there’s crunchy leaves.” 

Getting dressed in the morning is hard these days. As one RC students observed, it’s “too cold for summer clothes, too hot for winter clothes, welcome to fall in Virginia folks.” It’s officially the season for wearing a sweatshirt to your 8:30 and a tank top by lunch time. 

Two weeks ago, Roanoke was entering one of the most anticipated weekends of the year. As families descended onto campus, we saw unfamiliar faces everywhere. There were children in commons, moms on the MAQ, and apparently, fathers at frats. On Sunday morning, one student yakked: “made out with someone’s dad at Pi Kapp last night, can’t wait to figure out who my future step-son is.” Don’t think about it too hard, Pi Kapps. 

I can’t for the life of me figure out what caused this person to feel a sudden burst of sympathy for our primate friends. A sympathetic econ major, perhaps, mused “with the banana economy the way it is, it’s a s—-y time to be a monkey.” 

Netflix’s recent release of Monster: the Jeffrey Dahmer Story has true crime fans everywhere hooked. One Roanoke student didn’t appreciate being disturbed in their viewing, taking to Yik Yak to entreat, “whoever is screaming outside my window do you mind I am trying to watch the damn Jeffrey Dahmer series.” 

The first weekend of October brought the remnants of hurricane Ian to Salem. One person took this as an opportunity to make friends, anonymously asking “who wanna go swimming in the flood water w/ me.” Alas, the forecasted flood turned out to be three days of clouds and drizzle, so it sounds like this plan was foiled. 

I’m closing this week’s column with a yak just for my fellow seniors. We’ve all grown during the past three years, some in surprising ways. One senior reflected, “if freshman me could see senior me in bed before 10:30 on a Saturday night she’d be p—-d.” Sleep tight, seniors. And freshmen, keep raging in the right while you’re young. 

That’s it for this week folks. Keep yaking until the next issue for a chance to be featured in the Brackety-Yik Yak!