Written by Joseph Krzyston
A Roanoke College sophomore is at the center of a firestorm tonight. The reason? A provocative statement, made in class, about ‘Society”. If that wasn’t that far enough, ‘The Media’ took heavy criticism as well. No punches were pulled.
“I mean, honestly,” began the student, establishing his intent to be both meaningful and honest, “I think what’s wrong with our country is just society. Like, if you look at what makes our country bad, it’s just the way society thinks and acts.”
At this, his peers went bananas, and absolutely didn’t just sit around disengaged. They seethed, the concurred, they pondered. They did all of these things internally, of course, but according to sources from the University of Nowhere, they did these things.
Representatives from both Society and The Media, which are apparently real and quantifiable enough to target, were taken aback.
“We just couldn’t believe it,” said a representative of society. “After nineteen years of membership, here he is, just talking all sorts of ill about us. Did we not provide him electricity? Language? Government? We at society are outraged by the shortsightedness and the forgetfulness. Sure, every now and again we give him cable news and a place of national prominence for the Kardashians, but on the whole I think our relationship has been highly receptive to this young man’s needs and desires. He’s a young man, for Christ-sakes!”
Representatives from The Media were no less ruffled.
“As a representative of the media, and therefore obliged to cover literally ever form of mass communication, from the Huffington Post to a smoke signal sent from Fort Lewis Mountain, I don’t know what to say, but the young man’s statements were incendiary enough to be offensive, and vague enough to offend us all.”
For all this controversy, the young man has chosen to stick to his position, which, in keeping with past statements made, is impossibly vague, generally dissatisfied and more or less unprintable.
