Present-Day High Schoolers Actually Have Their Lives Together

Written by Joseph Krzyston

As the country’s eyes turned to the high schoolers leading national protests this week, support has been widespread for the students regardless of political orientation. Meanwhile, a small but growing cadre of recent high school graduates is first and foremost baffled as to how any of these students got their acts together and did any of this.

        “I remember my time in high school,” said a recent grad, now a junior at Roanoke College, “but I can’t say I remember it well. You know what I mean? Like, the big idea at that time was to organize for Friday night. The biggest logistical triumph we ever accomplished involved buying a bunch of beer from one of my buddy’s weird neighbors. No mean feat, I will add.”

        The student went to great length to stress that he was in no way opposed to the students, and indeed had the utmost respect for them, but was primarily confused as to how they managed to get their acts together in a way that many college students cannot seem to.

        “Yeah, I mean, my friends and I are massive idiots, make no mistake. We can’t even really get together to study for a test without most of us flaking or generally doing something else. I definitely couldn’t have done that back then. Come to think of it, I couldn’t do it now.”