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Fast Food Romantica

Written by Zachary Bayers

As the season of love rolls around, it begs the question of who you’d like to go out with and be your valentine. Don’t have one? Worry not, because for those who still might be searching for their one true lover, the world of dating simulators brings a variety of options to help soothe sore hearts. However, out of all the extravagant and questionable entries in the genre, one in particular sticks out the most.

“I Love You, Colonel Sanders!” is an extremely odd yet charming dating sim about bonding with and romancing the iconic Colonel Sanders, the face of KFC. Surprisingly, not only is this game free, but it’s also officially made by KFC themselves. Yes, I am dead serious, this exists. It comes with a strange and sprawling cast of nine characters, ranging from adorable professor dogs to childhood friends. 

Within the premise of the game, you attend a prestigious culinary arts school meant to upbring the biggest and brightest chefs of the modern world. Colonel Sanders is not only a beautifully hot hunk who happens to be in your class, but is also your main love interest throughout your university experience. Work together to defeat gravy spork monsters, compete in cook-offs against fellow rivals, and most importantly, work up the courage to ask out Colonel Sanders himself! 

Since it is a free game, unfortunately the length of the content isn’t that long on an average playthrough, averaging at about an hour or two. However, there are multiple different endings you can achieve by making different dialogue choices throughout the game. So, if you’re feeling like a completionist, you can make the most of the experience by trying to obtain all of them! And honestly, who wouldn’t want to try seeing every side of the incredibly popular and handsome Colonel Sanders?

If you have some downtime and want to try something silly, are falling into an unfortunate pit of loneliness or both, then I couldn’t recommend this game enough. Although it’s occasionally bad writing can be off putting, not only is it hilarious to play, but the art presented for both the background and character models are stunning. Trust me, it’s finger lickin’ good.