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Bewildered Upperclassmen Fail to Solve Yearly Conundrum

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Written by Joseph Krzyston

In upper-level courses across campus, in nearly every discipline, there’s one question on the lips of every upperclassman. It defies boundaries of all kinds, and indeed has brought people together in recent weeks. The question?

How did that freshman end up in this 300 level?

The question isn’t an indictment of all freshmen, of course. Rather, it is an indictment of just that one who asks all the questions about study guides.

“It’s crazy on a couple of levels,” said an upperclassman, speaking anonymously. “For one thing, how does a freshman even get into a 300 level class? In fall semester, no less. That being said, though, there are a couple in this one I’m in now, and most of them are just fine. It’s just this one. That leads me to my second question. How do you get through years of high school, into college, and still ask a ton of questions about study guides? Why are you still trying to haggle about extra points on reading quizzes? Those things are like five percent of our grade! Frankly, the level of engagement here is outrageous. There’s a light in her eyes that hasn’t gone out like the rest of ours has, and I resent that.”

The freshman was unavailable for comment, but neighbors on her hall reported that she’d just briefed the entire dorm on the context surrounding an impending phone call with her boyfriend from home, which was in its third hour when the reporter tried to contact her.