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Relaxing with Horoscopes


Written by Chamberlain Zulauf

The last two weeks of the semester is prime time for procrastination. Recently, Spotify advertising has shown me a new way to procrastinate… with mini horoscope podcasts! Let me state for the record that I don’t really believe in horoscopes and even though I’m talking about advertisements on Spotify I do in fact have a premium account. Anyway, the two-minute podcast Spotify recommended to me is called “Leo Today” and there’s one for everybody.

Instead of doing my homework, I’m listening to wind chimes and a soothing voice telling me good morning and the date. It’s 10:30 P.M. but apparently, Mercury and Scorpio are arriving opposite Uranus and Taurus (this is what I’ll remember instead of how negligence is related to tort law tomorrow morning). For the next two minutes, I’m not so stressed because of the sounds of smooth jazz and vague proverbs like, “Trust your intuition, but weigh out all the options before you react”. That’s good advice if you’ve answered ‘C’ three times in a row on a test. One thing I had going for me today was that “the outer planets persist in my house of healthy habits”. That’s a little ironic. Maybe it means watering down my Gatorade in Commons.

I’m not saying students should procrastinate and listen to 20 daily horoscope podcasts in a row instead of studying for your third test or whatever. It was just nice taking a moment away from finals/pandemic/political stress. I recommend everybody else do the same; find a way to give your brains a break!