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A Field Guide to Football Fans


Written by Zach “Look, the Dolphins are Going to Turn it Around” Dalton

Football season has made it into its third week of games for the season. Many people have donned their team gear to show support for their favorite teams. Sometimes that is not enough. Here’s a quick guide on the type of fans you’ll find this season. 

  1. Rabidcus Fancus: These are fans who eat, breathe, drink, and bleed their team colors. They will defend their players, coaches, and mascots till the death. If you even so much as mispronounce their team’s name, they will attack you like a rabid animal…figuratively of course. Often these are Patriots or Packers fans. 
  2. Audio Loudprae: These fans are the ones who yell at the television in hopes for the team to respond. They will exclaim in disbelief or excitement when miraculous plays occur. Ear protection is recommended when around them. Often these are Vikings or Bears fans.  
  3. Contemnendus Avians: These are the fans who hate every single team of football, even their own. They will boo and hiss at anything without discrimination. Their responses to games are often extreme and rowdy. Much like the Rabidcus Fancus, they will attack anyone who wrongs their team, even if it is their team. A good example is Eagles and Ravens fans. 
  4. Dévoué Sapien: These are the fans who stick by their team no matter what. The team could go years and years with a losing season and they will still put on their jerseys to support them. These fans are the ones who are rewarded the most when their team does win and appreciate the little things in life. Browns and Dolphins fans are the best example of this. Trust me, I know.  
  5. Normalem Populus: These are the fans who are just normal people. They watch football every Sunday, cheer for their team, and hope they win. They might talk a little trash here and there, but nothing too vulgar. At the end of the day, their football excitement begins and ends with Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays. All football fans are a great example of the Normalem Populus.