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No New Friends

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Written by Vanessa Mutesi

Friends, we all have our different categories for friends. There are people we consider our acquaintances, the basic friends, and then the chosen family.

With each category of friends, we build a certain level of comfort around these people in order for there to be some form of connection. However, because these different categories come with a certain level of trust and connection, there are some that are easier to detach from. For example, with acquaintances, these are people who you are connected to — but on quite a shallow level. These are the people who we tend to detach from easier. At some point, however, there are times when we have to detach from people we are close to simply because we’ve outgrown them.

Over the festive season, I finally got time to reflect on the people that had come into my life. I started looking at the connection I had with these people, what drew me to them, and if keeping them in my life was a liability or not. As I went through the people who I considered I was closest to, I came to find that I had outgrown so many of them.

This doesn’t mean that there was any conflict between us. It was because I was in a mental space that didn’t necessarily align with theirs. One of the difficult things about this process was that I had to start letting go of people who I considered close to me because I’d outgrown them. As I continued to reflect on this, I tried to find ways to keep them in my life, but I came to realize that if I were to keep them close, I would hinder my own growth.

We are all on a path of growth and clarity, and we seek this in the things we do, the dreams we have, and the connections we build with people. Personally, I do not think that people often reflect on the connections they build and how they affect their growth and mentality. I am sure we have all heard the saying, “show me who your friends are, and I will show you who you are,” and I never fully understood this until I took the time to reflect on the people I called my friends. The more we keep people in our lives who we call “close,” without looking at why we have a bond with them, the more we entrap ourselves in relationships that hinder our growth.

At the end of the day, we want to make lasting connections with people. We want to have people who help us grow, challenge us when we need it, and people who can be a balance of grind time and fun time. As we embark on this 2020 journey, let’s be cautious about who we grow with and who we consider our friends.

Now, I am not saying that you have to go and cut people off, but just take the time to think about people who are meant to be on your journey with you — think about those who are “liabilities,” and those who are just there. Look around you and think, “If someone was to look at who you are around, would you be proud of that reflection on who you are?”