Written by Joseph Krzyston
What began as a jovial dinner ended in confusion this week for an area man, who, upon presentation of the check, found himself in a great degree of uncertainty about the categorization of their outing.
“I thought it was going great, you know? I was getting all the right signals, no awkward breaks in conversation or anything. Had a generally really nice time.”
The strong indications of romance between the two were called into question when the waiter approached with a bill.
“So he comes up, right, and says “Will this be together or separate?” and she says “Oh separate is great,” or something like that, and that really threw me for a loop.”
Eyewitnesses have corroborated the man’s account of events. The family in the booth adjacent to the couple in question has not responded to requests for comment, but the man in the table by the door reported a “palpable sense of awkwardness on the man’s part, informed by an obvious insertion of uncertainty into what had previously been a straightforward social interaction.” The bizarrely articulate observer noticed this from a distance, which both highlights the discomfort on the part of the man and raises questions as to why the hell this guy was staring at a couple on, presumably, a dinner date.
“So I think to myself,” continued the bewildered romantic, “alright, what are the possible meanings here, and I narrowed it down to two. Either this is a platonic outing for her, or she’s one of those feminists I keep reading about. Either way, this complicates things. Now I don’t know whether or not I’m on a date, and I’m worried she’ll bite my head off if she finds out I didn’t vote in 2016.”
The situation is as of yet unresolved, with ongoing communication via text message proving, as usual, inconclusive and vexing.
