Written by Kaelyn Spickler
Hello Roanoke College,
Your fave gossip columnist here, and do I have news for you: recall that your fave girl-next-door, Kate, is freshly a single pringle. Turns out she doesn’t know how to date! Who would’ve guessed the college’s biggest flirt actually has no game? How does she seem to get these boys then? Well, let’s take a look at her dating history because guess what — there’s a trend.
Do we remember her longtime secret bf she had last year? You know, the guy no one knew she was actually dating because there wasn’t a single trace of it on either’s social media. We did some digging, and he was one of her first friends here at ‘Noke. He was her BFF’s boyfriend’s roommate, and the four of them hung out all the time until, one day, it must’ve finally clicked for them that they weren’t just friends.
Her short-lived rebound following that mess of a relationship was with a guy who also started out as her friend. The two had known each other since Kate’s early days here, but their relationship was never anything more than platonic. Then, they ran into each other in a frat house basement. He was fresh on the market following a rough breakup, and Kate was determined to find a cutie that night. You can figure out the rest.
Of course, Kate found a boy to keep her company during the summer months, but she didn’t have to go searching far. Our insiders tell us her summer fling was a guy who she considered to be one of her closest friends. When she found out they’d be working together over the summer (same company, different departments), that made her search for some affection and attention even easier.
Have you connected the dots yet? Kate doesn’t actually have any game when it comes to guys; she takes the easy way and goes for one of her guy friends… then again, maybe that means she has a better game than all of us. Why go out and go through the awkward first dates when you have a whole pack of guy friends? That narrows it down for who she has her eyes on now. Unless, of course, she’s already gone through all of her guy friends. You can trust we’ll keep our eye on it.
You know you love me,
XOXO
