{"id":5822,"date":"2021-02-12T17:00:31","date_gmt":"2021-02-12T22:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/?p=5822"},"modified":"2021-02-12T16:27:33","modified_gmt":"2021-02-12T21:27:33","slug":"another-modest-holiday-proposal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/?p=5822","title":{"rendered":"Another Modest Holiday Proposal"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>Written by Zach &#8220;Huge Discounts on the 15th&#8221; Dalton<\/em><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, here we are. Another semester, another issue and another holiday on the horizon. Let\u2019s talk about my all-time, very LEAST favorite holiday: Valentine\u2019s Day. This holiday is an absolute sham, and I\u2019m not saying that because of the societal expectations put on people in relationships to buy their partner gifts and chocolates or that those who are single have to feel sad about being single. No, I dislike Valentine\u2019s Day because it has the dumbest holiday mascot: Cupid. Here\u2019s a dude, rolling around, shooting arrows at people, making them fall in love and stuff. On paper, he sounds like a total badass, but in actuality, he wears a diaper, looks like a man-child and shoots people in the butt. Nothing against any of those things, I just don\u2019t trust Cupid.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My proposal for this holiday is simple: rebrand Cupid. Take this little baby-looking mascot and fit him into the modern age. Picture this, alright? The first thing to do is replace his bow with magic similar to that of Matilda that he shoots from his hands. Now, this new Cupid won\u2019t go around aiming for people\u2019s butts \u2014 instead he will aim for their heart, but not in the \u201ckill you\u201d kind of way. More like the \u201ctoday, you will find love\u201d kind of way. Finally, he will dress to the nines in a red suit, rolling around on the 14th making people fall in love. The key here though is it won\u2019t be that instant \u201cnext person you see\u201d crap, but rather a \u201cyou\u2019ll meet your soulmate and slowly fall in love\u201d type of deal. It\u2019s more modern and makes for a good romcom. The question remains: Who will be the face of this new Cupid? The answer: Michael B. Jordan.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There you have it: Cupid 2.0. Next up: Leprechauns. Happy February, Maroons.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Written by Zach &#8220;Huge Discounts on the 15th&#8221; Dalton Well, here we are. Another semester, another issue and another holiday on the horizon. Let\u2019s talk about my all-time, very LEAST favorite holiday: Valentine\u2019s Day. This holiday is an absolute sham, and I\u2019m not saying that because of the societal expectations put on people in relationships [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":5823,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[8],"tags":[10],"class_list":["post-5822","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion","tag-summer2019"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/thumbnail_Another-Modest-Holiday-Proposal.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5822","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5822"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5822\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5823"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5822"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5822"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5822"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}