{"id":4128,"date":"2018-12-01T14:47:17","date_gmt":"2018-12-01T19:47:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.pages.roanoke.edu\/?p=4128"},"modified":"2018-12-01T14:47:17","modified_gmt":"2018-12-01T19:47:17","slug":"leggo-her-jade-eggo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/?p=4128","title":{"rendered":"Leggo Her Jade Eggo"},"content":{"rendered":"

Written by Zoe Manoukian<\/em><\/p>\n

It is now that time of year when exams are fast approaching, the weather is getting chilly, and students are at their wits\u2019 ends. Many students finds themselves in a disposition of stress, anxiety, and hopelessness. Of course, we all know that doctors recommend exercise in times such as these; however, few stressed students feel compelled to brave the breeze outside when they could curl up and cry in a bed of blankets, snacks, and Netflix. I spoke with sophomore Grace Du\u2019Pr\u00e9, who has a fascinating solution to this predicament. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGwyneth Paltrow\u2019s Jade Egg changed my life!\u201d said Du\u2019Pr\u00e9, inviting me into her room of incense, succulents, and indie film posters.<\/span><\/p>\n

In 2008, Paltrow created Goop, a lifestyle company that aids consumers in understanding and nurturing their bodies and spirits. One of their products is the Jade Egg, which should be inserted into the vagina in order for the wearer to amplify their internal power. As per Goop\u2019s website, the egg can be used to \u201c<\/span>increase vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general.”<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAt first, I was hesitant to buy into this whacky vagina egg situation, but once I realized that I had no time for exercise between finals and my work with the recent school play starring Lorin Brice Hall, I understood that I had no other option. I take this egg with me everywhere I go now, and my life has improved immeasurably by it! Everything I do has a built-in workout, and my libido has never been better!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Though Du\u2019Pr\u00e9 is a devout supporter of the Jade Egg hullabaloo, the product receives poor reviews and inordinate criticisms from most. Some take issue with the emergence of alternative products that appeal to crunchy young women through the promise of natural wellness with little to know scientific support. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHave I lost a few friends after this lifestyle change? No. I lost all of my friends. But I don\u2019t care that my peers and America\u2019s modern doctors think of me as a fool for following Gwyneth\u2019s steps! I stand by my Jade Egg \u2018til the day I die!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

And Du\u2019Pr\u00e9 meant it. Gynecologists found Du\u2019Pr\u00e9 passed out on the ground floor of the Blue Ridge handicap bathroom after being hit by a cocktail of bacterial infection, toxic shock syndrome, and kegel overload. She is currently regaining strength at Carilion Roanoke Memorial Hospital. She asks for a week of privacy as she seeks guidance from her nurses and feminine energy.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Written by Zoe Manoukian It is now that time of year when exams are fast approaching, the weather is getting chilly, and students are at their wits\u2019 ends. Many students finds themselves in a disposition of stress, anxiety, and hopelessness. Of course, we all know that doctors recommend exercise in times such as these; however, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":4129,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4128","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/gwynth-paltrow-1.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4128","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4128"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4128\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4129"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4128"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4128"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brackety-ack.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4128"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}